why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
