Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
