Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
