I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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