drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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