Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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