I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize