You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just google imaged poop.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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