Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
