i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
