I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
