Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
