THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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