I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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