He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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