I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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