We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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