dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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