I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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