well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
