This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
