She said her name was "party"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
