She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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