you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
