Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
