We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it's like heaven, but drunker
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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