What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
