All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
