The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you guys were way drunker than both of me
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
