their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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