i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
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