The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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