so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
is wine microwaveable?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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