My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize