You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
