Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
