know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
