Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize