you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
