I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
