I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
