she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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