Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
This beer is not sobering me up at all
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How does one acquire holy water?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
