yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
