don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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