yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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