My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
