What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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