Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
