i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
