yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
