dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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