So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
