Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
