I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
