Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize