so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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