Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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