I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
