like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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