So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
