Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
50% drunk capacity currently
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
