I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
