that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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