So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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