I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
