My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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