hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
