i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
