forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
too bad you live with your parents still
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
