Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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